He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
