Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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