Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
