I hate your face
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
