We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
