Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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