I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
