Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
