If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
