She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
