I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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