thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
