are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
