hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
