I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
