i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
