the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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