dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
