Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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