remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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