she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
