Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
