i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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