dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
