Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
