can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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