No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
