K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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