if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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