Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
