Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
