I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
