There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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