is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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