I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
