Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
