I've blown a few things in my day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
