i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're too hungover to prance.
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I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
