so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
