i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
