I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Damn victory sex feels great
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
