Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your cock deserves a montage
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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