Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
