why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
