the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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