I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
