Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My balls are so social today.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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