what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
