I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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