; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
