its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
