Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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