i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
