I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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