i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
