CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this will be a night to untag.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
