Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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